Could you be sabotaging success for yourself? Change is difficult, and it’s important to recognize progress along the way. Progress comes from the small steps we take, and what’s important is making sure we stay aligned with the direction we’re heading. Gaining clarity on what’s holding you back from achieving your goals and desires, you can embrace new opportunities with more certainty, unlock your true potential, and stop getting in your own way!
What Does Sabotaging Success Mean?
Self-sabotage happens when you let fear, doubt, or old habits prevent you from achieving your full potential. It’s when you procrastinate on important projects, avoid taking risks that could lead to growth, or talk yourself out of opportunities because, deep down, you fear failure or, even worse, success. Recognizing it can be tricky and overcoming these patterns is crucial for breaking through barriers and moving toward reaching your aspirations.
What Are Sabotaging Behaviors?
Cognitively, we might think they are simply unwanted behaviors holding us back, but in reality, these actions are often attempts to fulfill an underlying need. These behaviors can mask themselves in many ways to “keep us safe” So, we must ask: What is the need we are trying to satisfy? Gain clarity where you have conflicting needs and intentions.
It is easy to know when you are out of alignment. You will feel the tension with frustration, disappointment, confusion, stuckness, shame, and basically be uncomfortable. When we are in alignment, we are able to stay in integrity. Simply naming your goal and then not following through with the choices that will get you there is frustrating, confusing, and inconsistent.
Often, we get caught up in the tasks of being busy, which is not the same as being productive. Being busy usually means we haven’t learned how to manage our time and tasks effectively. As a result, we become unintentional about how we spend our most precious resources: time and energy.
Sabotaging Success With Busyness
It’s important to be honest with yourself about where you’re getting in your own way by being overly busy. Our society often glorifies busyness, making it seem like a sign of importance or success. On the other hand, we sometimes use busyness as a shield to keep others at bay. This constant state of activity can overwhelm your body, leaving you focused only on immediate tasks. Ultimately, being busy is the perfect distraction, preventing you from addressing the real issues that need your attention.
How To Resolve Busyness
So how do we resolve it? If our schedule is unmanageable, we will never be able to find a solution. You have to outsource and let go.
Get comfortable with simplicity and routine by identifying the top five most important tasks for each day and focusing solely on those. Confront the false sense of “protection” that being busy may provide, which can be used as an excuse to avoid plans or requests from others. Calmly and clearly state your boundaries and needs to navigate through your responsibilities more effectively.
Sabotaging Success With the Wrong People
You may be getting in your own way by spending too much time with the wrong people. Are there people who stress you out and exhaust you, yet you keep going back for more? If you’re preoccupied with these relationships, you are wasting your energy and time. Those who you spend the most time with will change your future irrevocably, so you must choose wisely.
It’s time to surround yourself with people who support and inspire you. Choose relationships that leave you feeling energized and motivated. Prioritize positive connections — it’s vital for your well-being and your success.
Simple Ways To Tell if You’re in a Self-Sabotaging Cycle
Even if you can cognitively understand this self-defeating behavior, the signs can be subtle until they become highly problematic or someone close to you points them out.
Here are some key ways to identify if you’re in a pattern of self-sabotaging behavior:
- Awareness: You’re more aware of what you don’t want than what you do want.
- Focus: You spend more time worrying or ruminating on what doesn’t happen than imagining, strategizing, and planning what you want.
- Relationships: You spend more time trying to impress people who don’t like you than being with people who love you for who you are.
- Image: You’ve become more focused on causing feelings of envy in supposed enemies.
- Avoidance: You put your head in the sand during arguments, running away until you forget rather than discussing issues and finding solutions. When we are in denial, any hope of healing and change is futile.
- Perception: You care more about convincing others that everything is okay rather than actually being okay.
- Social Media: You’re concerned with looking like you had a great time rather than actually having a good time.
- Authenticity: You convince everyone you are doing well instead of being honest and connecting with people who could support you.
- Approval: You prioritize being liked, even at the expense of your happiness.
- Evaluation: You think more about whether your actions will earn approval from others rather than if they will make you feel fulfilled and content.
- Emotions: You’re more afraid of feelings than anything else; fearing you can’t handle your own emotions means you are stopping yourself from experiencing your full potential.
- Motivation: You blindly chase goals without asking yourself why you want those things. If you’re doing everything you’re “supposed” to be doing and yet feel empty and depressed, you’re most likely not doing what you want to be doing. You’ve adopted someone else’s script for happiness.
Ignoring these important behaviors leads us to treat our coping mechanisms as the problem. Instead, ask yourself what emotional needs these behaviors are fulfilling.
The Key To Stop Getting in Your Own Way and Sabotaging Success
We often value our doubts more than our potential due to negativity bias, which makes bad things seem more real than good ones. This bias can lead us to believe our fears are more significant than the positive truths in our lives. To overcome this, adjust your mindset toward abundance and recognize that success is possible — embrace this belief genuinely. This shift in thinking is what it means to level up!
Consider Occam’s Razor: the simplest and most logical explanation is usually the most accurate. Finally, and most importantly, bring compassion to yourself. Understand that many of our behaviors stem from basic needs learned early in life, aimed at keeping us safe and maintaining a sense of normalcy and familiarity. From self-compassion stems the courage to embrace change and the strength to achieve true fulfillment.
Are you ready to stop getting in your own way and finally create a life that works for you? As a life transitions coach, I would love to provide 1:1 support for your journey. Learn more about what this type of coaching looks like, and let me know if you have any questions about how I can support you.
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